Canada Geese at Clark Lake have been a traditional challenge. Two groups of geese exist at Clark Lake – those that are migratory, just passing through, and those that have chosen Clark Lake as their permanent residence. Neither is welcomed by those around lakes. Geese are known to visit lawns of Clark Lakers and leave behind nasty evidence. Of course, the problem goes beyond geese desecrating lawns. Adults and kids who swim in the lake would rather not think about what goes in the water after geese eat a healthy meal.
Some lakes have been so troubled by infestations that they have hired contractors at considerable cost to discourage the Canada geese. Fortunately for Clark Lake, the problem has not been as severe over the last couple years. Yet, Clark Lake does react. Echoing President Reagan at the Berlin Wall, “Mr. Gorbachev tear down this wall,” Clark Lakers say “Canada, take back your geese.” In other words, Canadians, don’t refuse to take responsibility for the traveling plans and poor habits of your invading creatures.
Is there a long-term solution? On an ad hoc basis, contact was made with Washington, and it now appears there could be light at the end of the tunnel. The government will impose a tariff on Canada geese. Any goose found in the United States will be identified and counted by immigration officials. The tariff imposed on Canada geese will not only be a deterrent to taking up residence, but have the added value of enriching the treasury instead of fouling lakes and lawns.
Not known to many is Clark Lake’s goose whisperer, a person who has the uncanny ability to communicate with and be empathetic to the needs and aspirations of geese. This individual desires anonymity, so he will remain unnamed. He is better known as his handle, Goosebill1, and is officially registered with that handle at the national goose whisperer organization.
So, what does Goosebill1 think about the situation and how does he talk to geese? His communication involves employing a honk whistle and then observing the goose’s physical reaction. When he came across a gaggle recently, he “discussed” it with them. He found that geese are unhappy about the potential effect of the goose tariff. When Goosebill1 inquired if he should attempt to get a tariff carve-out, he was surprised by the reaction – a flutter of fear. Then our goose whisper understood that the word “carve” has a special significance, especially during hunting season. Though Canada geese are a protected species, they can be hunted under certain circumstances. When the word “carve-out” is used, the geese think a market in Jerome. Goosebill1 thought better of his use of words that shook the geese to their tailfeathers. Feeling ashamed, he was concerned his followers might rightly call him a silly goose.
Through Goosebill1’s followers, others have become aware of the tariff threat. They express a great deal of empathy for the plight of the geese and formulated a solution. The government should offer a gold card path to full time residency after payment of a five million dollar fee. They believe wealthy Canadians would rise to the challenge and a rally around the name – the Golden Goose Project. Going forward, they may rest easier, even after April 1st.
